I promised you a review of Mark Manson’s brilliant New York Times bestseller however it comes with a warning – not wishing to offend anyone here is a heads up to say profanity abounds – seriously it does. The title of the book is ‘The subtle art of not giving a f*ck’ and there are plenty more f*cks to follow so WARNING if you find the F-bomb offensive please don’t read my review. I would like to point out the sentiment of the book works best with the f*ck word as it’s so jarring, it really reaffirms his message and I am sure this is why the book is so popular as he sheds light on the ANSWER for those of you (like me) who struggle with perfectionism worrying what others might think, and generally be sweating the small stuff.
I found the book refreshingly brilliant, insightful and humorous and I wanted to share some of the take out messages that resonated with me that might be helpful to you, sharing is caring as they say and if you don’t want to add the book to your list of things to read here are the important bits.
Not giving a f*ck does not mean being indifferent – it means being comfortable with being different
We are not talking about being indifferent like I don’t care which is really all about avoidance, we are talking about learning how to be comfortable with adversity and then focusing on what really matters and not giving a F*uck about what doesn’t, so basically choosing what to give a F*ck about wisely.
He introduces the feedback loop from hell which goes like this ‘I feel bad’ and then we feel bad for feeling bad and add this to the loop, you can replace bad with anxious, unhappy, angry and so on but you get it, the point is if you feel bad there is probably a good reason for feeling that way and we need to accept that negative emotions are ok and move on, Mark’s example of this is ‘I feel like shit but who gives a f*ck’. We are all constantly juggling trying to keep all our balls in the air and am sure have feelings of overwhelm so just try it say I feel overwhelmed with everything I need to do today and you know what that’s okay – it works!!
Mark uses characters and profanity to keep things both shocking and fun, His insight on problems really resonates with me. He says we need problems they are the building block of happiness and that the truth is the key to living a good life isn’t getting rid of problems its finding good problems ( I love this ) Problems that invigorate you, problems that feel important to you, problems that can contribute to the people around you because that’s where meaning comes from and ultimately meaning is what we all need.
What if you feel your problems are really big and this doesn’t apply to you, ultimately you need to choose which problems are important and find a way to solve them. Typically you will be feeling stuck with your problem which breeds a feeling of not being in control or having the power to deal with it – the truth is we always have the power to react or create a different meaning. First, change perspective and then do something about solving it – we want to eliminate our problem’s, however, it’s about it’s about finding something more meaningful and more worthwhile to focus on.
Two last gems from Mark it’s not Is not about what will make you happy but what are you willing to suffer for – An Olympic medal winner is someone who is willing to suffer the constant training sessions, strict diet regimes and lifestyle choices it takes to get that end goal – if that is not your bag then don’t suffer for it choose the suffering that makes you happy. I want to lose weight so I am happy to suffer my running course and twice-weekly homework runs even though I dislike it as I want the outcome of losing my blubber.
Finally constantly question your assumptions as they may not be correct you could be certain everyone is looking at you because you have a dollop of ketchup on your blouse but what if no one is looking, what if actually nobody cares and you are worrying and anxious for no reason. Factor this into your business model are you certain your customers want you to have High Street premises? perhaps you are a brilliant agent and your type of ideal customer just wants your brilliant service? Why sweat about premises work on you difference and what you can offer them stop worrying about it? Make sure you are telling your customer what they want to hear and what is interesting to them. Stop, question, rephrase and look at things differently make sure you are communicating to your audience what they really want to know and what is really relevant to them, otherwise, you are wasting your time, blogs, FB posts and so on.
So, guys, I hope you have enjoyed this post, remember we all have a limited number of f*cks to give – so pay attention to where and who you give them too.
Have a lovely day